People who are not adept with conflict resolution look for other ways to fix a failing marriage each time they argue with their partners.
Many people are not entirely aware of the factors that cause marital issues.
Hence, they keep on groping for answers in the dark as they try different ways to fix their marriage, leading to their mounting frustration.
To resolve marriage problems, couples must be made aware of the leading causes of their marital conflicts.
They will find a possible solution to the specific issues that plague their relationships by determining which aspect of their marriage they should work on.
More from RelationshipsAdvice: Save The Marriage by Dr. Lee Baucom Review
To prevent more frustration, here are some of the most common marriage problems plaguing today’s many married couples.
1. Growing Apart
As the years of being together passed by, many married couples these days unknowingly grow apart from each other.
It is said that this growing apart phase is expected in the evolution of marriage.
When couples are just married, the level of romantic feelings is high.
However, this level of romantic emotions diminishes after years of being married.
Unfortunately, most couples take each other for granted as time goes by, and they end up becoming strangers.
If you are emotionally detached from your partner, it makes it easy for even the most basic conflicts to break up your marriage.
This is because you have lost your mutual connection as friends and lovers.
To prevent yourself from growing apart, the first thing you need to do is talk to your partner about their thoughts about your marriage.
Ask your partner for his input and opinion about your marriage.
More importantly, you need to constantly talk to your partner about your love and how your love grows or changes as a married couple.
This is different from asking your spouse if they still love you or not since that may irritate your partner further.
Talk about your plans for your children and family and what makes living together as a couple challenging or beneficial.
It is vital to have this kind of conversation with your spouse to know how you can become a better partner.
Likewise, it would be best if you also voiced out what you are expecting in your marriage relationship so that your partner can fully understand your needs and desires.
Listen to your partner and share your views on your marriage with them in a non-confrontational manner.
As an example, you can ask them how they see themselves in the next ten years or what family time means for them.
Even when you think you are already aware of these things, you will still be dazed by how much your partner has grown in all your years together.
What makes a marital problem escalate to something beyond fixing is when you start to think that your partner’s flaws are the cause of the conflict.
It is a destructive habit to have in the relationship, and it will also trigger so much hatred between you and your partner.
With this mindset, you do not only blame your partner for every mess that your relationship is in, but you also throw unnecessary accusations at them without determining the real cause of the problem first.
Blamestorming brings the worst out of every couple.
And if this becomes a common habit in your relationship, you will only find yourself burned out at the end of your failed marriage.
If you want to turn your marriage around to prevent it from breaking up, you can start by reminding yourself not to be too critical of your partner.
Moreover, practice patience and empathy and be more careful about expressing your frustrations in your relationship.
Learn to talk about issues as a couple instead of blaming each other.
Act positively and remember that becoming a more understanding and respectful partner is a choice you need to make every day.
Remember that even when you are mad at your partner, you have every right to be angry.
But you do not need to be rude and harsh.
Hurtful words hurled at each other’s faces will only cut wounds deeper in your relationship.
Learn how to be calm even during arguments and talk respectfully and tactfully.
Recommended reading: 58 of the world’s most famous marriage coaches share over 100 practical tips for a healthier marriage
3. Destructive Fighting Patterns
When couples are fighting, emotions are at their highest.
Unfortunately, the fights get ugly fast and couples throw hurtful and offensive words in their attempt to win the fight.
When you fight with your partner, and you cannot control yourself from slaying them with obscenities and spiteful words to wound them further, it becomes harder to find common ground and resolve your issues.
It is an unhealthy fighting pattern when couples use hurtful words to win an argument.
Instead, couples need to learn how to become level-headed even during a fight.
Calm down when you feel aggressive or agitated because having no self-control will only push things to a messier level.
For example, when you feel that a simple discussion has threateningly turned into a heated argument, you can say:
“Honey, this argument we are having is driving me nuts. Can we stop and take a breather. I do not want to make things worse.”
In addition, when your partner says something hurtful, you can acknowledge it and tell it to your spouse in a gentle manner, such as:
“Hey, that stings. Can we please talk about this more respectfully? Also, let us not use words that we will regret, so please be gentle with me.”
As couples, you need to learn the art of fighting fair.
You do not need to one-up each other because you are a couple as much as you are a team.
And counting your flaws or trying to win an argument will not do your relationship any good.
Trying to fix a marriage and preventing it from becoming a complete failure all boils down to the willingness of both parties to make healthy changes.
As long as you are both committed to your relationship, you will find it easy to meet common ground after every argument and become better as a team in resolving conflicts that may plague your marriage in the future.
Fighting about money can put a dent in any relationship, especially marriages.
One-third of adults with partners report that money is a major source of conflict in their relationship.1
So it doesn’t come as a surprise that it’s one of the leading causes of divorce.
Most of the time, when both spouses work, they decide to split their bills or equitably allocate them.
While this may sound like a reasonable plan for many, it may build resentment because it divides both of your spending power.
Most of the time, this technique also eliminates long-term goals such as securing your retirement or buying properties.
Aside from that, debt such as credit card loans and even gambling habits can also become major financial baggage, especially if one person has more debt than the other.
Perhaps the most intense financial problem in marriage is the power play.
This happens when one partner has a job and the other doesn’t.
When this happens, one partner may dictate spending priorities.
But how can financial troubles be eliminated in marriages?
The best thing to do is thoroughly discuss your financial situation, even though it may be uncomfortable.
Try to understand the money mindset of your spouse.
Are their family or peers big spenders?
Was your partner raised in a frugal home?
These answers will enable you to understand why your partner treats money that way.
Come up with a system both of you agree on when it comes to spending, and implement some golden rules for you to follow.
Contrary to what many people think, intimacy is not just about sex.
It covers feeling close to your spouse even after your “honeymoon phase” ends.
For many couples, intimacy issues can be detrimental to their bond, and the problems in the bedroom may bleed into issues in other aspects of their marriage.
One of the most common marriage problems related to intimacy is a misalignment in partners' desires.
Another common issue is one or both of you may be too stressed to try to be intimate with each other.2
This could stem from having a hectic job or too many chores.
If you think there are intimacy issues in your marriage, you need to resolve them actively.
Take note of the things that need fixing.
However, remember that intimacy problems do not just vanish overnight.
Rekindling the spark in your marriage is a huge undertaking, and you have to learn to communicate with each other verbally and emotionally.
Be committed to asking your partner and speaking up about how you feel about your situation.
When you can communicate well, you can foster a deeper connection and plan to move forward.
6. Communication Issues
Many people falsely believe that the more time you spend with your partner, the better your communication gets.
However, that is not the case.
A stable marriage is not a relationship that is free of misunderstanding.
Instead, it is one where the couple can reduce its frequency.3
Issues – whether it’s big or small, can plague your marriage.
One of the telltale signs of communication issues in your marriage is passive-aggressive behavior:
You constantly give silent treatments, condescending replies, and shift the blame on each other.
Marriages with poor communication usually turn minor problems into screaming matches, and every new fight reinforces old ones, especially those never solved.
This could lead to resentment.
Solving communication issues means taking responsibility for your actions.
Remember that language is not the only means of communicating.
Most importantly, stop dwelling on negative things.
If you find something wrong, think about how you want to express it constructively.
7. Emotional or Sexual Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the most pressing concerns of married couples.
While sexual infidelity is obvious, many people are confused about what an emotional affair entails.
This happens when a person invests a lot of emotional energy and time in a relationship or friendship outside their marriage.4
Because of it, their spouse is left threatened and hurt.
Although some believe that emotional affairs are harmless because there is no sexual relationship that happened, relationship experts still consider it cheating because it can act as a form of gateway affair.
When a married person is involved in sexual or emotional infidelity, they are secretive to their spouse, which leads to withdrawal.
As much as possible, make an effort to enjoy quality time with each other.
This way, your marriage will remain exciting even if you’ve been married for years.
8. Troubles in parenting
Welcoming a child into your marriage is one of the most wonderful experiences you can ever have.
But because being a parent is highly demanding, it can cause a strain on your marriage.
For example, burnout is one of the most common dilemmas by married couples.
Surprisingly, many people don’t even know they are dealing with it.
Around two-thirds of couples think that the quality of their relationships decreases within three years of having a child.5
Parent burnout signs include neglecting yourself and being depleted creatively, emotionally, and intellectually.
In many ways, you feel like you are stuck in a trance.
Another common parenting trouble is conflicting styles in parenting.
One of you may be too critical of your child, while the other is not, which can cause a divide in your relationship.
So how can you solve this?
Instead of focusing on parenting extremes, work together and find the middle ground.
While parenting is important, nurturing your marriage should not be forgotten.
9. Differences in Habits, Personality, Values & Beliefs
Every marriage has differences, and the more time you spend together as a married couple, the more these differences will become evident.
After all, every human is unique.
Without accepting that you are different, you will have a hard time reconciling your differences with your spouse.
For example, both of you may also have different family and cultural backgrounds.6
These differences can dictate what you like to eat, the holidays you celebrate, and even how you handle issues.
Age difference can also be a factor and educational, sexual, financial, and political differences.
By respecting your differences and compromising, you can reconcile better and create a more solid partnership.
Instead of seeing your partner as someone completely different from you in a negative light, treat them as the yin to your yang.
There are two types of jealousy that can happen in a marriage.
The first kind is healthy jealousy which happens when someone wants to guard their territory.
This kind of jealousy comes from a place of commitment to your marriage.
On the other hand, there is also an unhealthy type of jealousy that can manifest through insecurity, self-pity, threats, lies, and inferiority.
While jealousy is more common with women, that doesn’t mean men don’t feel it as well.7
So how will you deal with jealousy in your marriage?
First, you need to detangle its causes.
Next is to open your lines of communication and trust.
Recognizing that jealousy can damage your marriage will help you get your feelings in check.
More than that, it will make you realize that jealous behavior may not be caused by anything factual.
When you finally get out of the grip of jealousy, you can realize your self-worth.
11. Time or Busy Schedules
Marriage takes work, but what if you’re constantly busy?
Sometimes, life gets in the way of your relationships, and you may end up neglecting your marriage.
When you have too much on your plate, you will feel tired, overwhelmed, and stressed all the time.
This is common with wives who take care of their children while still trying to excel in their careers and husbands who feel the need to work multiple jobs to provide for their families.
While busy schedules do not automatically lead to conflict, they can present unique challenges that need to be taken care of.
What you can do is intentionally make time for each other.
Look at both of your schedules and find gaps of free time that you can take advantage of.
Around 40% of couples say they are bothered by the amount of time their partner spends on their phone.8
While spending time together, make sure to put down your phone to avoid getting distracted.
Instead, engage with each other.
Along with being intentional in spending time with each other, be thoughtful.
Do small favors that will make your spouse happy such as sending texts.
Better yet, find out what their love language is.
12. Division of Labor
Research suggests that fair division of labor is one of the characteristics of a modern and successful marriage.9
Like many people today, you or your partner may have grown up with a dad who worked every day and a mom who stayed home.
However, this traditional arrangement doesn’t work for most couples today.
As more women enter the workforce, couples need to learn how to navigate this change.
But despite working outside the home, women are still taking care of most household chores.
Of course, the issue runs deeper than this.
The actual division of labor is not the only thing you should solve, but you and your partner’s beliefs.
When there is no proper division of labor, one person in the marriage will feel more strained and less satisfied.
It is recommended to have a serious conversation about splitting household and child duties.
This doesn’t mean splitting duties 50-50.
It means coming to a mutual agreement to avoid resentment and frustration.
Of course, don’t expect to perfect this overnight.
Be patient and give yourself and your partner time to adjust and achieve peak efficiency.
In the beginning, your marriage may feel like a real-life movie, and it seems like you don’t have to work to make your marriage exciting.
But as time goes by, you will get used to the things that used to make you feel excited.
In time, both of you may fall into a routine.
Boredom can lead to less satisfaction, arguments, infidelity, resentment, and bad decisions when left alone.10
So what can you do to get rid of this?
Boredom strikes when you start to feel complacent, so start showing your spouse that you love them.
This can involve expressing gratitude, setting dates, and physically touching your partner.
As time passes, be more intentional in giving your relationship the attention it deserves.
Don’t assume that you’ve already outgrown each other and that boredom is normal. Once you get rid of this mindset, it’s easier to bring back the fire in your marriage.