You know, the "Save The Marriage" ebook is one of those rare self-help books that I consider completely underrated.
I've been recommending it for a decade now to hundreds of people.
Even to those who have already read a dozen books about saving their marriages.
Because Lee Baucom can explain complicated relationship stuff so easy and understandable that it's starts to "click."
Quite recently I've shared it with a good friend of mine, a single mother of twins, who had some severe problems with her 4-year-old daughter.
I know it sounds weird.
But while we talked, I noticed that she described the exact same problems adults have in romantic relationships.
After reading the book she said:
"You know Sebastian, I knew this stuff already but now it makes sense to me."
(The exact same feeling I had when I read it the first time. Those little "aha"-moments that have a huge impact.)
And that's Lee Baucom's super power.
Let's find out if this book is a good fit for your situation and I'm also going to share some insights from the book.
What I liked and could be improved
What is the Save The Marriage System?
In its essence, it's a relationship saving program that provides you with 3 essential tools:
1. the ability to change your thoughts and actions positively.
This is important:
Your thinking influences your actions, and your actions determine the outcome.
2. the ability to turn the downward spiral into an upward cycle and create positive momentum in your relationship.
3. an actionable plan to save your marriage. It's going to be hard to achieve something without a plan.
Think of it as a practical guide that tells you what works AND how to do it.
Does your marriage show any of these symptoms?
This is for you to figure out if the program is a good fit for your situation:
- you have lost the connection with your spouse,
- your spouse has completely checked out emotionally,
- you're more like roommates than a couple,
- there's a lot of fighting or even worse: silence,
- everything seems to create tension
- no matter what you do, it seems you're just not able to change your situation
- you're on the brink of divorce.
Then there's a good chance that the Save The Marriage system can help you.
5 examples of what you're going to learn from Lee Baucom
Save The Marriage costs money, and you should know what you're getting into beforehand.
So I decided to share 5 snippets from the book that I am sure will help you anyway, whether you buy it or not.
1. The 5 destructive things you have to stop doing right now (especially if divorce is on the table)
I am not a big fan of being told what NOT to do because it has little to no benefit.
But in this case, it's different.
Because if you're falling into the trap of doing one of those things, you're significantly lowering your chances of turning things around in your marriage.
Let's dive in:
1. Don't panic.
2. Don't run to the attorney and start legal proceedings
3. Don't announce it to the world (friends, family).
4. Don't blame, shame, or manipulate!
5. Don't try to become what you think your spouse wants.
2. Why improved communication is NOT the key to saving a troubled marriage (and what to do instead)
Most couples in a troubled marriage are communicating about issues just fine – they’re just not seeing the issues in the same way.
Because perception makes a difference:
If your partner does not understand what you are trying to say, and the other way round, all you do is communicate based on faulty assumptions and misunderstandings.
I don't have to tell you that nothing good can come out of this.
So, what you're going to learn here is precisely how you can change your perception first to improve your communication constructively and proactively.
The kind of communication that brings you closer to your spouse.
3. How to become a team with your spouse that wants to win together
This is powerful.
And something that was a real eye-opener for me because I haven't looked at it this way before.
If you're starting to shift your focus from what is best for each of you to what is best for the relationship, you will create a whole new mindset and perspective.
The decisions you make will be towards thriving as a WE that will help you grow together instead of apart.
4. How to stop the downward momentum of your marriage (and how to turn it into an upward cycle)
The good news:
Momentum works in both directions, and you can control the direction, whether you realize it or not.
If you can change momentum to the upside, it will push your relationship in that direction even faster.
There are 2 ways to change momentum:
- change in thoughts/perceptions
- change in actions
And both are intertwined.
If you're going to change your thoughts and perceptions, your actions will follow.
If you change your actions, your thoughts and perceptions will follow.
But make no mistake:
It takes a lot more energy to gain and maintain upward momentum:
5. How to create your marriage-saving plan that works and how to stick to it
Marriage and relationships are a marathon, not a sprint.
It takes constant efforts to make things work and stay connected.
This includes having a plan ready (which you will have after reading the book) and following that plan as long as necessary.
Don't fall into the trap of jumping from one idea to another without waiting if something works or not.
Having a clear path and goal in mind will significantly increase your chances of changing your situation.2
Don't get discouraged if things don't work out immediately. Look at the drawbacks and mistakes you might make as steps towards your goal.
I always like to say:
One step back, two steps forward. The important thing is that you keep moving.
Who is Dr. Lee Baucom?
Dr. Lee Baucom, Ph.D., is a best-selling author, therapist, self-help speaker, and life coach based in Louisville, Kentucky.
He has been practicing as a therapist since 1991.
He has been featured in national media such as Dateline, NBC, and Men’s Health.
He spent three decades coaching individuals, families, couples, and organizations to thrive more despite adversities.
Lee Baucom has published three nationally recognized books, and he also hosts two podcasts, namely Thrive Nation and Save the Marriage.
How much does Save The Marriage cost?
I have reviewed and taken A LOT of online courses about improving and tackling problems in relationships.
And I've paid 10x of what Save The Marriage costs for programs that provide the same information just because they are prettier.
At the time of writing this review (2022), I'd say you won't find anything of similar quality for that price.
Wrapping things up
In my review, you have learned:
1. You can save your marriage if you take the right actions and avoid destructive ones.
2. You have complete control over where your marriage is heading, upward and downward.
3. That you need an actionable plan to save your marriage.
4. You need to rewire your thoughts and perspective to turn things around.
I want to finish this review with one of my favorite quotes:
"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."
- Albert Einstein
If you like to give it a try, click the button below to visit the official website:
Save The Marriage FAQ
Relationships are very complicated.
And some marriages simply cannot be saved. I'm not delusional.
But what I can guarantee is that if you don't do anything, you will not be able to save your marriage.
There's no one else going to do it for you.
Yes. I'd like to answer this with a quote from the book which I agree with:
ClickBank is a payment processor that protects both you and the seller of the product.
Kind of like AirBnB just for digital products.
After you have purchased it, you will get access to the eBook and all bonuses in PDF and MP3 format.
Yes, Lee Baucom offers an unconditional 60-day money-back guarantee.
My husband and I were having problems for a while and I didn’t know how bad it was until I found out I had a std. I found out that he slept with a co-worker. Even though he said it was one time I know for a fact that he is still sleeping with her. In fact he’s in love with her. He doesn’t know I know but I have evidence of his adultress affair. I love my husband very much and want to repair our marriage. I believe in the vows we took. In good times and don’t times. As of Feb 10 we will have been married 27 years. I feel a part of him want to be with me and yet he’s being pulled in another direction. He’s still good to me but the intimacy is not there the way it use to be. He’s told me he love me but he’s not in love with me. I don’t believe that is truly true. His actions says otherwise. I believe God is working on my marriage but I also believe I still have work to do as well. I hope and pray that this system will work for us. I want to grow old with my husband and I want that woman out of his life, our life and our marriage.
My situation is the other way around, my wife told me she wanted a divorce after 22 years of marriage. I don’t think there was any affair, but did find out there was some sex-texting. I did loose my job , in 2011 after working there for 24 years making a good income.
my husband had an affair and he even tried to divorce me.,is hard to forgive him,everytime i think of the other woman.