At the start of any marriage, love is in the air. The honeymoon period may be over, but the passion, the spark is still there. It’s fantastic. It’s everything you dreamed it would be.
Fast forward a few years later. Things have calmed down, perhaps slowed to a crawl. The passion has leaked out into the street, and you’re wondering what happened to those spontaneous and skin-tingling moments.
What happened to your partner? You two used to be so happy, so excited. Where did it all go wrong?
If you’re worried what happened to your lovebird relationship, and you want to rekindle the fire that once was, here are 8 tips on how to revive your marriage, even if you think it’s dead or beyond repair. Always hold out hope!
We’re starting with the happiest one. What is good about your marriage? You might be trying to revive your marriage, but in even the worst relationships you’ll find some good.
Take some time to think about what your partner does that you love. What does he/she do that makes you smile? Forget about the annoying or horrible habits he or she has; focus on the good. Here are 10 ways you can show your fiance how much you appreciate him.
This is about getting you out of that horribly depressing mindset you’re currently in. You’ve come looking for this article with a “everything is falling apart!” attitude. What we’re doing is getting you to think about what is good in your marriage; as bleak as things seem, I’m sure you’ll find something that will put a smile on your face.
A coddle night?What’s a coddle night? Ever set time aside for someone specifically, because they needed your full and undivided attention? Well that’s the night you’re going to spend with your spouse.
Arrange at the very least one night a month (it can be more!) where you and your partner will spend the night together, whether that’s curled up on the sofa with chocolate and a great film or going out for a romantic meal and a glass of wine.
It can be anything you and your partner really enjoy doing as a couple. It doesn’t matter too much what you two do, but rather the attention spent on each other. This is about you two sharing time together and focusing completely on each other. Reviving love in a marriage involves attention and focus on your partner and vice versa.
You may have fallen into the habits of both of you doing your own thing; you or your partner may feel neglected and unwanted because either of you may be spending all your time on other pursuits. Take time to reconnect with each other, even if it’s once a month. It’ll do wonders.
As a marriage develops, we think we don’t have to try anymore. We’ve got the girl or the guy. We can let out hair down and relax now. Not so.
Your partner fancied you for one reason or another; it might be that you worked out and kept yourself in shape, or dressed up nicely a lot more than you do now. Show your partner you’ve still got it by getting in shape and making yourself as attractive as you used to be!
That’s not a one way street either – motivate your partner to get back to his or her original state. This isn’t meant to be taken as ‘you’re ugly now! You used to look so much better!’
It’s about taking care of yourself, for yourself and your partner. It’s about respect – self-respect and respect for your partner.
Get out. Go somewhere. Travel to Rome or wherever it is you two said you’d always go one day. Lose yourselves in an adventure. Find that spark and interest. Go on an adventure together and discover sides of your partner (and yourself!) you never knew existed.
Get out and do something new. You just need an excuse to spend time together. Often we become involved in work and our own hobbies, we forget to invest time in our partners.
Find something you both would be interested in and dive into it!
Resentments build up in a marriage can lead to a failing marriage. Revive your marriage by discussing and sharing your problems and previous hurts with your partner.
Discuss how things that he or she has done have made you feel and why you reacted the way you did. There are bound to be quite a few unresolved issues you’re both holding onto. Let go of them all by talking through them with your partner.
If possible, discuss how you can avoid these issues in the future.
This one seemingly goes against everything we’ve discussed so far. Why?
Well, not all marriages fail due to lack of attention. Sometimes it can be because you or your partner aren’t taking care of themselves enough. You might be the loving doting partner who always spends their time taking care of their partner’s problems.
You seemingly have no time for yourself because you have so many things to help you partner or children with. Arrange to take some time out for yourself. Go out with friends, go do one of your hobbies. Whatever it is that makes you happy and fulfilled, go and do it.
Giving yourself that space will give you and your partner the room to really appreciate each other when you do spend time together.
What happens if you don’t water your plants (the ones in pots, at least)? They die. Without attention and care, they wither. If you need to revive your marriage, it might be because you or your partner are feeling underappreciated.
Get them a gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive – it could even be free! Some flowers, their favorite food, whatever it is you know they’ll like. You could even make something for them; a cute card, something cheesy.
This tip is all about showing your partner you DO care, and that you’re thinking of them more than they might know.
If you’re experiencing problems in your marriage, and feel like it needs reviving, try one or several of these tips. It might just take one of the above tips to rekindle the fire in your marriage!
With more than twenty years experience in the field, Elizabeth Davis is a well known and respected relationship adviser. Through her site she offers free, no-holds-barred counseling, friendship and support to anyone experiencing difficulties in their relationship. Let her help you to a life filled with the unconditional love and laughter you deserve.