5 Ways to Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship

By Sebastian

Updated March 18, 2022  

Matt fumed as he heard Sarah accept another dinner invitation from Kim. Why did she keep doing that? She knew that having dinner with Kim and her husband Steve made Matt uncomfortable.

Dinner wasn’t the issue, the fact that Steve and Sarah used to be an item was the issue. In fact if the rumors were true, Steve and Sarah were almost engaged once upon a time.

Sarah told him not to worry, that Matt was all she would ever need and that her future was with him, not Steve, but Matt couldn’t help feeling jealous.

Matt couldn’t admit it, but it wasn’t just Steve who made Matt feel this way.

Matt’s green eyed monster reared it’s ugly little head when Sarah looked twice at a guy walking past in the street or talked about one of her male workmates.

The worst was when she said that the guy from Hawaii Five-0 had great pecs. That was the time that averagely built and slightly under-toned Matt had spent the rest of the show fuming about the failures in his genes.

That was also the night that Matt and Sarah had their first and only argument about his jealousy issues and the night she’d issued him an ultimatum to “deal with it” or she’d walk.

Matt needed to get the green –eyed monster under control pronto, but how?

The first step to learning how to deal with jealousy in a relationship is to accept that it is okay to feel this way. In fact jealousy is perfectly natural in a new relationship.

Jealousy is a Symptom of Insecurity.

Learning how to deal with jealousy in a relationship is a tough road, especially if you are with someone who means the sun, earth and moon to you.

Life is tough and when you meet someone who totally exceeds your expectations and dreams it is easy to fall into the trap of  feeling as if you are not good enough for them.

Once you start doing this, then you start to see everything as a threat to your happiness and the little green eyed monster inside you starts to gain control and dictate your every move.

You start making excuses for why you can’t go to dinner at Kim’s place, you avoid public places with good looking patrons, tropical islands become entirely off limits and you stop watching television programs that you think may cast you in a bad light.

You may even go to the extreme and stop your partner going out altogether, fearing that they will find someone new and decide to trade you in.

No One is Perfect

Dealing with jealousy in a relationshipIt is easy to see your flaws when confronted with people who do not have the same imperfections as you. But that does not mean that they have no imperfections.

In fact, the guy with the perfect abs and large pecs? He is probably a total douche-bag with all the personality of a sea slug.

When you were at lunch with your girl, the guy you both saw walking down the street wearing a Pierre Cardin suit, Gucci sunglasses and talking on his blue-tooth ear piece before jumping into his Jaguar probably spends all his time at work and is lonely as all hang.

In fact he probably drove off jealous as hell of the time you are spending with someone special.

Learning how to deal with jealousy in a relationship when the person making you jealous is an ex is a particularly tricky situation and takes a unique understanding from everyone involved.

Your girl has to respect your feelings and treat her ex in an appropriate manner, but you have to realize that sometimes people do not choose their friends and that at the end of the day your girl chose you. Not him.

That makes YOU the winner. If you are jealous, just think how the ex-partner feels!

Have Faith in Yourself.

Learning how to deal with jealousy in a relationship takes courage and faith in yourself.

Humans may not be perfect, but two people may be perfect for one another, regardless of their flaws.


How you make each other feel is everything to the relationship. If you let your inner green eyed monster loose, then you will make your partner feel claustrophobic, but worse, you may make them feel that you don’t trust them.

By dealing with your jealousy by talking about it with your partner you include them in your world. Admitting to your partner that you are jealous will not burst your bubble, in fact often the opposite happens and in a good relationship it will make your bond with your partner stronger.

Look for the Good.

By communicating and working through your jealousy and insecurities it won’t be long before you are laughing at the guy with the great pecs, appreciating every moment that you spend with your girl and pitying the guy too wrapped up in his work to get a date.

You may even start to look forward to expanding your circle of friends and joining in with dinner with the ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.

Jealousy is natural, accept it and embrace it as a positive factor in your relationship and it will soon fade.

About the author 


Sebastian loves analyzing statistics about anything that has to do with the dynamics in a love relationship. He enjoys researching why people behave the way they do (and drinks horrendous amounts of coffee when he's in the zone).

He uses his knowledge to help couples in troubled relationships reconnect with their partners and create a perfectly imperfect relationship.

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