In this article, we’re going to be taking a peek at ten most common marriage myths that are spread around, which in fact, often have no truth or fact supporting them.
Some of these might be familiar to you, and some of them might be something new; regardless, I warn you not to take any notice. These myths are likely to cause serious problems in your marriage (if they haven’t already!) and push you and your partner apart.
Let’s take a look.
You and your spouse probably know each other well; after all, you’re married and you’ve been together for years. There’s almost nothing you two don’t know about each other.
But there’s a common misconception that you know everything about your partner and vice versa, and if you don’t, you’re a bad partner. Even worse, you’re expected to keep up with your partner’s emotions, thoughts, desires and more by the second.
As humans, all these things change in a flash; we can barely keep up with our own emotions and thoughts, so trying to keep up with someone else’s is virtually impossible.
If you feel your needs aren’t being met, don’t wait for your partner to become a mind reader; the only way to figure things out like this is to talk through them.
Stop believing that your partner is psychic; they’re not and probably won’t develop that talent anytime soon. If you or your partner expects this level of attention and detail, one or the other of you is going to face disappointment and frustration.
This one is very common. People believe that when you jump into a marriage, you should sacrifice everything for the other person. That means you should give up your dreams, your desires and your needs. Your partner is now your life.
And that’s simply not true, and shouldn’t be taken seriously. Neither you nor your partner stopped being a full human being; you both still have your own separate personalities and wants.
You both need to fulfill your own desires; while you both will need to make sacrifices for each other, if that means sacrificing what means most to you, things won’t end well.
Apparently for a successful relationship, you must have exactly the same beliefs as your partner, otherwise things fall apart.
Completely false. In fact, having your own difference of opinion is what makes a relationship so interesting and healthy. As long as it doesn’t lead to arguments every time!, it’s perfectly normal and healthy to have different beliefs.
Conversely, it’s very unhealthy if one or both of you are trying to conform to the other’s opinions. Be your own person, and your partner will respect you a lot more.
Marriage isn’t some holy power that grants you eternal happiness, as much as we wish it did. Just like a normal relationship, there will be ups and downs, and times when you and your partner will fall out.
That’s normal. More importantly, you have to work at and commit to your marriage. It won’t keep itself going. When times are hard, you and your partner have to try hard to maintain your marriage. It’s not always plain sailing, but if your partner means that much to you, you’ll both work hard to stay together.
Consider how many people are in the world; around 7 billion. Each of those people has their own beliefs, goals, opinions, etc. Of course there are going to be clashes; if you believe one thing and your partner believes something else, you won’t agree of course.
Many people consider it a bad sign if there are arguments and fighting in their relationships or marriages. When in fact, the opposite is true. If there was no conflict, it would likely be a sign that either one or both of you are actively trying to avoiding fighting; which means whoever is doing so is building up resentment for the other, because they’re not able to fully express themselves.
It’s healthy and natural to fight and argue; you’re two separate people with your own emotions and beliefs. As long as it doesn’t devolve into a shouting match or a physical confrontation, it’s perfectly healthy to argue! Learn more about how to have healthy arguments here.
Following on from the previous point, there is no right or wrong – as much as you believed you were right when your partner did that stupid thing yesterday.
Again, you both have your own views. Those will conflict at certain times. Just because you don’t agree doesn’t mean either of you is wrong. If you approach those situations with that attitude, you’ll alienate your partner.
No one likes to feel in the wrong, so try not to frame it as such (unless your partner has indeed done something wrong, like burnt the house down).
Sure, you may have been with your partner for some years now. But have you ever asked your partner what they enjoy? No? Then it might be surprising to you that you may in fact not know what your partner enjoys.
Talk to them. Ask them what they enjoy. As we previously discussed, you nor your partner are mind readers, so both of you shouldn’t expect the other to read your thoughts.
When you first married your spouse, you might have assumed that things would change over time. He’d be more attentive and spend more time with you than his buddies; she’d hit the gym and get into shape.
The truth is, you should never expect your spouse to change based on your wants. In fact, expect things to stay the same overall. When you marry someone, the person you marry is the person you marry (duh!).
What I mean is, marriage won’t change much (well, not as much as you think). If you’re hoping that your partner’s finally going to do X or fix Y now that you’re married, you’re in for disappointment.
If you try and change your partner, they’re only going to resent you for it; no one likes the feeling of thinking their partners thinks they’re imperfect or uncompleted. People aren’t projects; everyone has flaws, so just make sure your partner’s flaws are ones you’re happy living with.
We’re going to nip this one in the bud right away; if you put all your bets on a newborn baby to save your marriage, you’re in for a disaster. Even worse, your child will suffer, especially when you begin to resent the baby for not saving your marriage.
Your relationship with your partner is your business; if you don’t actively work at it, it will eventually fall apart. Don’t put the pressure on anyone else to save your marriage; it’s up to you.
Where this one came from, I don’t know. For some odd reason, a lot of people believe that a big wedding and a lovely honeymoon will forever stop you from arguing, from finding your partner’s annoying habits…well, annoying!
After that short honeymoon period, things will return to normal; i.e. how it was before you got married. So don’t expect everything to be sunshine and roses forevermore; it won’t be.
So there you have it; the top ten marriage myths. Did any of those sound familiar to you? Do you or your partner identify with one or more of the myths? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.
With more than twenty years experience in the field, Elizabeth Davis is a well known and respected relationship adviser. Through her site she offers free, no-holds-barred counseling, friendship and support to anyone experiencing difficulties in their relationship. Let her help you to a life filled with the unconditional love and laughter you deserve.