Why Do Men Pull Away In Relationships?

By Sebastian

Updated September 17, 2022  

In every woman’s dating experience, there will always be a guy whom she can call, “The One Who Pulled Away.”

These are guys who, after a series of candlelight dinner dates and safe sex sessions, will pull away from a blossoming relationship without even giving the women they dated a decent explanation.

They put women on the pedestal one moment, and then they are out of their priority list faster than a horse on rollerblades.

They give women reasons to take another shot at love only to leave them later hanging out in the cold, apocalyptic wasteland called “singlehood.”

Some men withdraw, out of nowhere, just when the relationship is starting to require exclusivity and commitment.

There are a lot of reasons why men pull away from relationships and most women will never completely pinpoint one major reason because, most of the time, men withdraw from a relationship due to a concoction of factors.

Let’s talk about some of the reasons men withdraw from their relationships, so you can start categorizing all “The One Who Pulled Away” you have dated in the past.

The Rubber Band Concept

Introduced by John Gray in his book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,” the rubber band concept proposes that men need to regain their sense of masculinity or their “me” state after experiencing intimacy or the “we” state, which is why they pull away from their relationships.

According to Gray, the rubber band concept is a normal phase men go through especially when they feel intimate with the women they are dating.

Most of the time, men need to keep some distance from the women they are in a relationship with, so they can have enough time to connect with their more masculine side and concentrate on the things that make them a good partner and provider.

This concept may seem like a humongous pile of crap, but believe it or not, it is backed up by science.

Men Need Their Testosterone

When men experience closeness with the women they are dating or have a relationship with, it increases the hormone known as Oxytocin.

This hormone is beneficial for women because it lowers their stress levels. However, for men, the effect is the opposite as it increases their stress levels.

This is the reason most men are not exactly touchy-feely.

When men have too much emotional bonding time with their partner their Oxytocin levels go up.

When this happens, men feel uncomfortable and suffocated that they will want to pull away from whatever state of relationship they are in for a little while to regain their testosterone levels.

Testosterone is their natural “cocaine” and men need to increase its levels during their “hibernation” period.

When this happens to your man, all you have to do is give him enough time to “man up.”

Give him the space he needs and stop pestering him with annoying and mostly pathetic questions, such as, “Do you still love me then why leave me?”

However, when you have given your man more than enough time to secure his masculinity and he still does not come back, then that is a different story.

He Has Lost Interest in the Relationship

One of the worst reasons a guy will pull away from your relationship, whether it is new or one you have been in for years, is that he has become disinterested in what you both have.

This may cause you to ask the what-the-hell-did-I-do-wrong question, but the truth is, there is nothing wrong with you.

It is just that he realizes that you are not exactly what he wants to be with, and he does not see his future with you.

Perhaps you are completely incompatible that even your friends do not think that you should be together.

Provided that the guy explained why he has become disenchanted, you should not blame him for saving you from years of clinical depression and estrangement.

Yes, it can be frustrating at first, but sooner or later, you will be thanking your stars for not pushing through with a relationship that was never meant to be in the first place.

Some Men are a Mess and Come with a Lot of Baggage

Another reason men pull away from a relationship is that they need to deal with enormous heaps of emotional and psychological baggage on their own.

He would completely appreciate it if you will say you will stay single and wait for him while he sorts out the mess he made out of his life.

But do not ever, for the love of all that is holy, be that martyr. He is a mess and you are a mess but you cannot clean each other up.

While he fixes things in his life to be more than ready to commit to a relationship with you or with another deserving woman, the best thing that you can do is become the best version of yourself while you are single.

You have a lot of goals you need to accomplish—career, family, travel—and now is the time to do it.

Instead of marinating in your why-did-he-leave-me depression, get up and rebuild yourself to become bolder and stronger.

By the time your one true love comes, you will be more than ready to make your relationship last for years.

Click Here Now To Discover Why He Loses Interest In You and What You Can Do To Make Him Stay

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About the author 


Sebastian loves analyzing statistics about anything that has to do with the dynamics in a love relationship. He enjoys researching why people behave the way they do (and drinks horrendous amounts of coffee when he's in the zone).

He uses his knowledge to help couples in troubled relationships reconnect with their partners and create a perfectly imperfect relationship.

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