What Do Men Really Want in a Woman

By Sebastian

Updated January 20, 2023  

As a woman, you are intelligent and you like a good challenge. You are not exactly the damsel in distress type, and when you encounter something that you do not understand, you make sure that you will find your way around it so that you can resolve whatever is boggling you.

Your career goals are falling perfectly into place. The friends you have are very supportive of your personal decisions.

Your life can be considered as almost on the verge of perfection as you have already achieved what most people are still struggling to get.

However, there is one thing that seems to escape your grasp: Men.

Men are so elusive that you realize eventually that the universe is not exactly a wish-granting factory as people played it to be.

Your life is not exactly written to become a fairytale because it lacks the Prince Charming who will give it a happy ever after. If your life is a to-do list, having a man is the lingering task that remains unchecked.

Unfortunately, the key to knowing what men really want from a woman is not exactly hidden in the pages of Cosmopolitan magazine.

It is also not in the various online dating websites nor in the process of being constantly set up to other men by goodhearted friends and relatives.

Your lack of extra effort does not have anything to do with your being single. Chances are, you have willed yourself to date as many men as you can with the belief that those who courageously seek love will eventually find one.

Success with men seems a very obscure goal that no matter how hard you try, all your efforts are still futile.  This has led you to wonder if there are still good men around. Or maybe you are the problem that is why available men do not fall for your charms.

It is not about men or you. Everything has to do with understanding.

Understanding what men really want from a woman. Identify what men really want. Know the attributes and traits that men are looking for. Learn what most men are fantasizing about. Determine all of these things and make them about YOU.

How will you know what do men really want? Do you interview him about it?

The fastest way of sending a guy you like running off the hills is by sitting him down to a heart-to-heart talk over a tall cup of non-fat soy caramel latte the way you would do to your best girlfriends.

“We totally love it that women are pestering us with questions about the things that we are looking for in a woman,” said no guy ever.

Men are not biologically wired to share these thoughts with a woman, so never expect the man you like to open up to you about what he wants from a woman.

More from RelationshipsAdvice: Make Him Express His Feelings To You

What do men really want from a woman? Here are 5 things most men are looking for in a woman:

1. Independence

When coupled with full responsibility, independence is extremely sexy. It is your way of shoving it up to the universe’s face that you are paving your destiny and that you are in full control of the life that you have made for yourself.

You have established your identity by working hard to become who you are today. You can take care of yourself without needing much help from others. You have a close-knit circle of friends who will support you all the way, but you are independent enough to take good care of yourself.

Being an independent and self-assured woman does not necessarily translate to the kind of woman men fear and hate.

Yes, you are independent and can take care of yourself well, but you also know that it is normal to want a man in your life and to have him do manly chores such as unclogging your sink, checking the breaks on your car, and driving away from the pesky coyote that scares the hell out of your Pomeranian every night.

An independent woman knows the difference between wanting a man and needing a man, and she puts a high value on the former. Without a man in your life, the world will still spin madly on, and you are completely okay with that.

2. Compassion and Understanding

Contrary to popular belief, men are not exactly overly attracted to women who act like they are one of the boys. Men do not completely get attracted to women who hide their femininity just to be able to hang out with the men they like.

Remember that although men love to hang out with other men and drink buckets of beer with them, you do not need to act like one of his nightly drinking buddies. Men drink beer with their male buddies, but they do not want to have sex with them unless they swing both ways.

Most men are still totally into women who are in touch with their femininity. Compassion, sensitivity, and understanding are some of the traits that are inherently unique to being a woman. Embrace your inner female, and he will love you for it.

More from RelationshipsAdvice: Why Do Men Pull Away In A Relationship?

3. Great Communicator

It has already been discussed in many other relationship articles that men cannot read your mind the way your best female friend does. Men do not exactly have that ability because they are programmed way too different from the female species.

They do not have an idea how to take a hint, and they are clueless about the art of subliminal messages. Men are not exactly dumb, but they will appreciate it if things are laid out neat and clear for them.

They appreciate honesty, candor, and a dash of tactlessness. If what you say to them is straight to the point, they will easily get the message that you are trying to convey.

Sulking, rolling your eyes, whining, and waiting for a guy to probe deeper about how you are feeling even when you say you are okay is not a clear-cut method of communication for many men. Make things less complicated by telling him what you truly feel and why in a manner that is honest and open.

4. Adventurous, Fun, and a bit of Spontaneity in your Personality

There are a lot of women out there who easily change their personalities just to suit what they think their men want them to be. Becoming untrue to yourself and your man is a surefire way to make your relationship destined for failure because it is based on deception in the first place.

Playing the role of a fun girl even when you are not can only last you a night or two, but eventually, his attraction for you will wane when you have stopped playing your role.

If what you want is a relationship that is based on honesty and sincerity, start it by being true to yourself and letting your man know who you are as a person.

For sure, you have a lot of good qualities that draw him near to you, and you need to strengthen those qualities so that he will not have a reason to leave you for another woman who knows how to be true to herself.

In addition, aside from your personality, you also need to step up a little by being a person who is game for adventures and is fun to be with.

Remember that fun people are fun to be around, and boring people end up with partners that have equally dreary personalities. Just have fun being yourself and make every moment with your guy a happy experience.

More from RelationshipsAdvice:  10 Things You Shouldn’t Be Doing Even Before A Relationship Starts

5. Looks

This list will never be sincere if looks are not part of the top 5. Regardless of what people say about inner beauty, looks are still important for most men. Humans are visual creatures, and they have a knack for appreciating beautiful things.

This is not to say that you need to have a runway model’s body and the face of an angel to win the heart of the man you like. Being desirable does not only depend on having a hot body and a pretty face.

You are attractive because you are completely confident and satisfied with who you are as a woman, and you take pride in taking good care of yourself.

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About the author 


Sebastian loves analyzing statistics about anything that has to do with the dynamics in a love relationship. He enjoys researching why people behave the way they do (and drinks horrendous amounts of coffee when he's in the zone).

He uses his knowledge to help couples in troubled relationships reconnect with their partners and create a perfectly imperfect relationship.

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