Divorce is stressful and devastating not only for the couples who have decided to split but also for their whole family. However, this marital breakup has a deeper effect on the children in so many ways.
There is nothing about divorce that is easy for children. Everything about the split is confusing and sad for the kids especially for those who are too young to understand what their parents are going through.
No child has ever wished for his or her parents to breakup, therefore, helping them understand the effects of the divorce will have on their family can be a daunting task especially for the parents.
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Couples who decide to split are going through a legal and emotional battle, and most of the time, it is difficult for them to make things okay for their children because they are also not in the right frame of mind to become supportive and loving parents due to the stress and worry that the divorce procedure is causing them.
Helping your children cope with your divorce is not exactly a flawless process. As a parent, it is somehow complicated to explain to your children about your and your spouse’s decision.
It is definitely an uncharted territory that no parent would ever dream of going through. Helping your children through divorce is not easy, but there are ways you can do to help your kids get through this rather disconcerting chapter.
Never Be Critical of Your Spouse
When explaining the reasons for the divorce to you children, it is very important to tell them the truth.
Your kids are entitled to know the real reason behind the divorce. However, when explaining it to your children, it is also crucial that you do not blame your husband or wife for it.
Divorce may stress you out and bring forth a lot of negative feelings against your former spouse, but it is never appropriate to badmouth your ex in front of your kids.
Remember that your children will not forget any negative comment you say about their mother or father.
Despite the divorce, your children love both you and your partner as their parents, and it will hurt them to hear you say disparaging comments about your spouse.
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Choose How Much You Need to Tell Your Children
As mentioned above, it is necessary to be honest with your kids when explaining to them the reason for the divorce. However, remember that you have to carefully choose what information or detail you will tell your children.
Take note that there are information related to the divorce that may affect and hurt your kids for a lifetime. It is crucial that you and your spouse are age-aware when talking to your children about the divorce.
When you have very young kids, you do not have to go through every excruciating detail with them or else they will be more confused about why their parents are splitting up.
Give them a simple, kid-friendly explanation instead. However, for adult kids, they may need more information, and since they are adults, it is necessary that you do not give them long-winded details about the divorce.
Do Not Make Them Feel that They Cause the Divorce
Sometimes, children think that they are the reason you and your spouse decided to end your marriage, especially when they see or hear their both parents arguing about them.
As a parent, it is important to reassure your children that the divorce is never about them or that they are not the reason why you and your partner have decided to give your marriage a deadline.
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Never Forget to Tell Them You Love Them
Always tell them that you and your spouse love them no matter what. Saying “I love you” to your children is a simple yet a very powerful way to let them know that the divorce does not, in any way, change your love for them as parents.
Tell them that even though you and your spouse are not together anymore, you still do not stop loving your children.
Work Together With Your Ex as Parents
Despite the divorce, it is still a huge positive impact for children when they see their parents working together in raising them. You may end your duties as a husband or wife, but your being a parent does not end because of the divorce.
It is important that you plan major decisions with your ex when it comes to raising your children. For example, you need to discuss with your ex about financial matters related to your children’s studies, custody, and visitation.
Co-parenting will run smoothly if both you and your ex are flexible enough to make sure that there is always a parent who is more than willing and responsible enough to attend to the needs of your kids.